Saturday, September 30, 2006

My way or not at all...

My daughter, being the independent child that she was (and still is) use to say...
"I want to do it my own self. "

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Sevine.

Dad is not the type to be bothered with paying attention to our celebrity-drenched American pop culture. He may enjoy a good CSI, Monk, our House episode, and nobody’s more up for a trip to the movies than he, but really he’d rather spend his time playing the latest iteration of Sid Meier’s world-conquest game Civilization. He really doesn’t pay a whole lot of attention to all the datings, marryings, divorcings, and babyings of the stars themselves.

This heedlessness extends even unto the very names of the aforesaid stars. Often he can’t remember the name of the celebrity he wants to tell us about. This would confound a lesser man, but my dad just makes up his own name for the person. He gets close, kind of, but his names are more like metaphysical anagrams. He rearranges the letters and concepts behind the names, and he ends up with something that’s usually more descriptive than the original ‘real’ name.

Famed director Quentin Tarantino is known in our house as Farentino. Not Quentin Farentino. Just Farentino.

When trying to tell us about an Adam Sandler movie he watched, dad referred to the star of the film as Happy Chandler.

Cuba Gooding Jr. is known as Gooba Gooba Goody. Not the best of the bunch, to be sure, but then, neither was Boat Trip.

My all-time favorite (and we’re really reaching back into the darkest VH1 vacuum of pop icons gone by with this one, folks) has got to be his name for MC HammerDC Holmes.

Please Holmy, don’t hurt ‘em!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

That Dirty Dog

My mom had this way of saying that what you do, comes right back to you...

"What goes over the dog's back comes under his belly." -Viola Bell

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Open Minds

Daddy D teaches chemistry and physics, and is a believer in something called "Unit Analysis." Early in his teaching career, he created a bulletin board to promote the concept of unit analysis that said simply, "Open your mind to units." He thought that this was a great bulletin board so he left the letters in place for years. After a few years, the "U" was lost so that the bulletin board read, "Open your mind to nits." Now opening your mind to units is one thing; opening your mind to nits is completely something else.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Metal Mothers.

When I was just starting to drive on my learner's permit, it was important to have the right music playing while we motored to and from nearby places like church, the grocery store, McDonalds, etc.

The right music, of course, was thrash, punk, speed metal, hard core, grind core, death metal, grunge, or some combination of the above. There was plenty of stuff which even our local "alternative" radio station wouldn't play, so my brothers and I made our own tapes, judiciously ordering the songs so as to fit onto a 45-minute side without cutting out and flipping over in the middle of a song. A truly epic mixtape was a long time in the making, considering there was no high-speed dubbing available.

All that work was basically for naught, however. About fifteen seconds into the lead-off song, "Chipped Beef," Mom said:

"Turn that off! I can't tell if that's the song or the car making noise!"

Sunday, September 17, 2006

No apologies necessary...

When my mom thought my room was a bit untidy, she would say,
"This room looks like a whore's nightmare!" - Viola Bell

I never could figure out what a horror's nightmare was, let alone why my room looked like one.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

With Apologies to Heidi Fleiss

My Mama used to say an old adage with this twist "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." - Laura Gray Thompson

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Motor Ahead

As a help the following is just great: "If the motor will fit, the fenders will bend."
My dad said this in situations with pressure to get a job done, one must move ahead regardless of incoming forces. Fight through it.

While we are on that subject...

When the rain would be pouring down on the garden in the back, my dad would gaze out the window and say to my mom, " Think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb?"

This continued for years after the garden was gone and caused quite a few giggles. Now I find myself looking out the same window and thinking it to myself...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Even more rain

Today we had a caller at school who asked if school in northwest Indiana were closed because of the rain. The secretary said no, to which I replied to them what my Mr. Tenney always said:

"They (the kids) ain't sugar, they won't melt."

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

More Rain

To continue the theme about rain, my dad's favorite saying was "Into everyone's life a little rain must fall." He usually said this in a tongue-in-cheek way when my sisters or I were complaining about trivial matters. - B.W. Thompson

Monday, September 11, 2006

When a Hard Rain's a Falling

Today it rained all day. At one point it was raining so hard I heard from the outer office, "It's raining cats and dogs". Made me think of what my dad, Joe, would say when it looked like a hard rain was a coming.

"It's gonna rain like a cow pissing on a flat rock."

Being a kid, I asked what that meant. He replied, "ever see a cow piss on a flat rock?"

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Thanks, mom.

"Your mom always said to hang everything at eye-level." -My husband, after I asked him to stop sticking stray hairs to the shower wall.

Upon waking up in the morning

"I’d stretch a mile if I didn’t have to walk back." - My Dad

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Upon retiring to bed

"If it starts thundering and lightening, wake me up because I can't sleep." -Grandpa J.W. Willi