Monday, October 30, 2006

Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaid.

Tonight, a very special edition of Grandma Said

My maternal grandmother, whom all the grandchildren called “Nan” or “Nannie,” never had a negative word to say about anyone or anything. She would say something positive in the most sarcastic voice possible, but she would never stoop to using any kind of pejoratives or insults.

Once we took her to see Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall. She wasn’t the least bit interested in seeing the movie, but everyone else was going, and she didn’t want to be left out. Well, I think the last movie she had seen on the big screen was Gone with the Wind, so she was in for something of a shock, considering all the nasal probe guns, stomach-dwelling mutants, and three-breasted prostitutes Arnold’s movie had to offer. However, when we asked her whether she liked the film, all she would say was
Oh, yes. I loved it.


The only person she ever seemed to have any animosity for was herself, for whom she reserved the most vicious insults. “Dumb Dora don’t know nothing,” she’d say. Or when she spilled something while cooking— “I’m the biggest gobble-gut in the country.”

Nan was a mild-mannered Southern woman, but she was much stronger than we realized. I’m not talking about that Oprah-moment, you-go-girl kind of strength, either. I mean she was physically much stronger than we gave her credit for, which my brother learned at his peril. Once, when she came out of her room after watching You Can Be a Star on TNN, he strode up to her and said, “You wanna wrastle?”

Nan’s response was swift and immediate. “I believe I do,” she told him, and proceeded to body slam him into the couch.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Granddaddy wants to see more of you!

When my grandfather, or granddaddy as we called him, would visit he always had a special way of bidding us goodbye. JW as he was known to adults always said, "We'll see more of you when you go swimming."

Considering that the bikini was the hip thing in the sixties and seventies JW's goodbye started to take on new meaning. I mean, you really did see more of people when they went swimming, a whole lot more!

Of course this did not worry me much because my dad always told me that I could go swimming, but I couldn't get wet. Not being able figure this out I kept most of my clothes on and sat on the beach, NOT!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

One More


This is our oldest son, who will be 36 in March. After those initial months of not sleeping more than 20 minutes at a time, raising this baby was relatively easy. He was a congenial and happy toddler. Like many toddlers, he had his parents wrapped around his stubby little fingers. He cleverly developed his own expression for weasling another cookie from his parents. What were these magic words? "One more...last one" As I remember, our little one would say this after being told that this was the last cookie for the day. He also liked to have a cookie for each hand. How did this bargaining for cookies work? Like a charm, who could say no to that sweet face?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

About Two Weeks


Like the lovely Sarah as a child, my son, Luke , cut his own hair, but Luke did this several times. Luke is pictured here in Junior Church. He is the rascal with the jagged bangs and the fearsome demeanor. In Luke's case, I guess that this penchant for cutting hair may be genetic or at least environmental. For a variety of reasons, I usually cut my own hair. Sometimes the result of this personalized barbering is fine; other haircuts have been disastrous. Daddy D has a saying that fits the more embarrassing explorations of this haircutting endeavor. He quips, “Do you know the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?” The answer, “About Two Weeks…”

I am about two weeks after one such haircutting adventure. Daddy D may be right; the cut looks better than it did two weeks ago.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Who's in charge?

Here's my daughter. The one that wanted to do things "her own self". Of course this picture is over twenty years old. See the cute little bangs? They are there because she wanted to cut her own hair. And did. Along those same lines, she never cared much about being told what to do by her brother. Often times I would hear her shouting "You're not the boss of me!" Funny, that hasn't changed much either!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Round Tuit


My brother-in-law, who is a man of many talents, uses an expression that comes complete with a prop. The expression is one that everyone uses, but to me the saying belongs to Jerry. What do you say when someone asks you to do something, or why you have not done something? Do you answer? "I will clean the garage, make an appointment to see the doctor, start attending church...when I get around to it." Several years ago, Jerry created a wooden nickel that proclaimed, "Tuit." I asked him to send me a photo of the wooden nickel, but he probably did not (you know) get around to it so I found this Round Tuit picture online. If you are like me and do not have enough hours in a day, maybe you need a one of these Round Tuits. You can order them online.

Addendum: This morning after posting this useful tip, I have discovered that my good brother-in-law did send me another version of the item and in a timely fashion. However, I was in a hurry to get these wise words out to you busy Internet folks. Jerry reports that the "original Round Tuit is currently unavailable in archives, translate lost." This is his 2-dimensional for you craftspeople to create your own Round Tuit. But if you are like me, you probably will not get around to it.