Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Dad is not the type to be bothered with paying attention to our celebrity-drenched American pop culture. He may enjoy a good CSI, Monk, our House episode, and nobody’s more up for a trip to the movies than he, but really he’d rather spend his time playing the latest iteration of Sid Meier’s world-conquest game Civilization. He really doesn’t pay a whole lot of attention to all the datings, marryings, divorcings, and babyings of the stars themselves.

This heedlessness extends even unto the very names of the aforesaid stars. Often he can’t remember the name of the celebrity he wants to tell us about. This would confound a lesser man, but my dad just makes up his own name for the person. He gets close, kind of, but his names are more like metaphysical anagrams. He rearranges the letters and concepts behind the names, and he ends up with something that’s usually more descriptive than the original ‘real’ name.

Famed director Quentin Tarantino is known in our house as Farentino. Not Quentin Farentino. Just Farentino.

When trying to tell us about an Adam Sandler movie he watched, dad referred to the star of the film as Happy Chandler.

Cuba Gooding Jr. is known as Gooba Gooba Goody. Not the best of the bunch, to be sure, but then, neither was Boat Trip.

My all-time favorite (and we’re really reaching back into the darkest VH1 vacuum of pop icons gone by with this one, folks) has got to be his name for MC HammerDC Holmes.

Please Holmy, don’t hurt ‘em!


At 6:00 PM, Blogger willi said...

I can't remember the names of celebrities either. I usually refer to that guy that was in "such and such". I think I try your dad's naming procedure.

At 7:24 PM, Blogger mjd said...

Your dad likes some great television. Monk and House are good shows.

I know someone who renames celebrities and non-celebrities as well.

He,he, DC Holmes...You can't touch this.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger gawilli said...

I kinda sorta know some of them, or at least I think I do until my daughter gets involved. Then I realize how really out of touch I am. My Aunt Martha used a technique similar to your dad's. When she came to a word she did not recognize she inserted the word "coffeepot". It made for some pretty interesting reading.

At 4:35 PM, Blogger daddy d said...

Reality is best most of the time. The movies and actors in them tell stories. If the story helps getting along in the world, then it can be a good activity. What I do with the situation where I don't know a name of a person, place, or thing, I ask for help from whom I am talking to about whatever I don't know. It works most of the time.

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Wormbrain said...

Civilization is a great game. Often it's too much bother to micro-manage every aspect of your Empire. So you macro-manage and you wind up forgetting the names of all those little units and insignificant people.

Dad's looking at the big picture. Remembering all those celebrity names and little details would just slow him down.


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